Thursday, January 31, 2013

Is it okay to push?

And then he said, "Sometimes I just want to call them out on their s**t, you know?  Isn't it okay to push a little?"

"So, whose s**t is it?" I asked.

"It's theirs!  I can see it!"

"Hmm. Some might say that we can only see what it is that we have... or think that we have.  Smarter people than I call those "projections".  We project what we inwardly believe to be true about ourselves on to others."

"That sucks."

"Well, maybe.  And it's pretty valuable. Because when I see something in someone else it's an opportunity to get curious about what I see and perhaps really want in my own life."

"You're doing it again.  You're "vince-ing" me."

"I'll take that as a compliment. And, when it comes to pushing... here's my thought.  Check in with yourself first.  Is the "push" coming from your own projection?  Your own fear?  Or is the "push" coming from your solution for their life?  If so, stop.  Take a breath."

"Okay.  I can see that."

"Great.  And then... when you're clear with yourself, consider "pushing" by asking a tough question.. one that invites a different perspective or a gut level response."

He paused.  "Someone stopped me in my tracks the other day with "what's stopping you from action?"  It helped me realize that there was nothing stopping me except myself."

"Exactly.  Sounds like the push you needed."

Sunday, January 6, 2013

How Old is that Picture?

Years ago I was sharing a story about some angst I was having in navigating a delicate situation.  I wasn't believing that I would handle things well.  My confidence was low as I shared my concerns.

"It sounds like you're carrying a pretty old picture of yourself," said a friendly colleague.

"Huh?  I asked."

"Well, as I've gotten to know you and seen your work and the way you've managed yourself, I'd say you have what it takes to handle this.  It's just you're carrying that old picture of yourself that comes with an old script for how you used to react in this kind of situation."


This past week I invited a friend/photographer over to update some of my profile shots.  My first thought was... "now that's an old picture!"  Aside from exposing a few more wrinkles and gray hair though, I think it's good to update our pictures now and then.  We've grown.  Changed. There's new story that likely defies some of the old story... and the new picture wants to be anchored in who we are today.

So, "How old is that picture you are carrying of you?"



Am I Listening?

A while back, someone said to me, “Wow, Vince, you’re such a good listener!”  It made me wonder what it’s like to be a bad listener!  So, I ...