Sunday, December 26, 2010

What Do You Make That Mean?

And then he said, "I've given into the notion that I am going to drink on New Years."

"Okay," I said. "You've talked about your commitments to limit alcohol. So, what do you make that mean? The drinking on New Years."

"Well, it means I won't have to let everyone know that I struggle with drinking."

"Not buying it."


"I'm not buying it. I don't think this is about you not wanting people to know you struggle with drinking. What are you really making it mean?"

"Hmm. Well, it's my job to make sure everyone has a good time. So, in a sense it means I'm doing my job."

"What do you think of people that don't do their job?"


"Ah. So you're a loser if you don't drink on New Years. It sounds like that's what you make it mean. It also sounds like you believe no one will have a good time if you're not drinking. Is that a responsibility you want to take on?"

"Hmm. And, no. Thanks."

"My pleasure. What's your plan?"

"To take responsibilty for me on New Years, and not everyone else. I may drink, but it will be because I want to. And, only because I want to and choose to. I will weigh that choice against my other commitments."

Cool. Happy New Year.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I Notice Your Tears

What is it about tears that freaks us out? Who wrote the rule that says... "apologize if tears show up."?

It seems to me that tears are the best indicator of life. They mean that your heart and your head are connected on the same body!

"What do your tears mean?" is a great question when someone is in their emotional aliveness. It is surprising how often we don't know until we stop to take a breath and reflect for a minute... Am I sad? Joyful? Angry? Fearful? It could be anything!

I look forward to the day when tears are a natural and welcomed part of our lives... business and personal! To me, it will mean that we have embraced the notion that emotions simply are... and are not to be avoided. Allowing the gentle flow of tears moves us closer to being able to talk about our emotions as opposed to being driven by them.



Am I Listening?

A while back, someone said to me, “Wow, Vince, you’re such a good listener!”  It made me wonder what it’s like to be a bad listener!  So, I ...