Sunday, May 1, 2022

What Picture Are They Holding of You?

During a recent forum retreat I shared about a relationship that has had its ups and downs in my life.  It's been a long time since I've felt close and comfortable with the person in question.  Even though I was noting some recent interactions that were very positive, I was reluctant to determine that the relationship was "close."

A member in the group asked me a question that struck a chord.  "Vince, it sounds like you are assuming that the other person is holding an old picture of you.  It doesn't sound like you've let their perceptions of you evolve.  I wonder what picture they are holding of you today?"

What?!?  Let me unpack this.

Sometimes, when I am believing something to be true (in this case, how I am being viewed by someone), no amount of contrary evidence can alter the belief.  I cling to the certainty of my belief.  On the other hand, when I'm open to challenging the long-held belief, all the evidence can be put in the balance and I can choose a new belief.  I teach this stuff!  Damn.

Another opportunity to have a look, let go, accept myself, update the belief, and continue the journey.



Am I Listening?

A while back, someone said to me, “Wow, Vince, you’re such a good listener!”  It made me wonder what it’s like to be a bad listener!  So, I ...