Clear and Clean?

We’re born with an innate connection between desire and action. We want something and we act to get it. Clear desire (food). Clean action (cry).

So, what changes?

Along the way, we learn things. We feel things. We get hurt. We hear messages and believe them… “you don’t really want that…” or “you really aren’t good enough for that…”. We then learn to do things that appear to avoid the hurt as we seek to get what we want. Then, we learn that we don’t always get what we want, and sometimes that turns into not knowing what we want so that we won’t be hurt and disappointed if we don’t get it. Sound at all familiar?

My sense is that our thoughts (or beliefs, opinions, judgments) and our feelings (anger, sadness, joy, fear) over time begin to cloud the circuit, or the path, between clear desire and clean action. So what we end up with is a confusing mass of false beliefs and unresolved emotions that have been stored up over the years invading the clarity of the present moment. We avoid situations out of fear, we over-react out of past hurts, our short-fused anger bludgeons a loved one over spilt milk, or we delude or medicate ourselves into a Pollyanna sense of perpetual happiness.

So, if it’s working for you, keep it. And, if you’re at a point where it’s not working then… “What do you want to have happen?” and then, “What’s the risk for you to have that happen?”

Because, if there wasn’t a risk involved, then you would have likely gotten it long ago.

When you decide the risks are worth it… ask for help. There is no reason to go it alone… and the simple process of asking for the help of a trusted guide may be just the dose of vulnerability that is needed to begin the journey.

Onward!

V

Is there more? (there’s almost always more)

August 15, 2023.  Driving I-70 home to Summit County from Boulder, Colorado.  I lose consciousness.  Thankfully, Will is with me in the Sprinter and I give him about 3 seconds notice so he could hop over from his seat and get us off the road.

Long and short is I’ve likely had seizures my whole life, and they chose now to break through.  I had been having “moments feeling off” since the Spring, so this was an escalation.  I stopped driving while looking for causation.  Started meds in December and then cautiously driving a couple months later.

That’s all the data.  But, is there more?  Of course!

“Plan A” is really important.  Get out.  Live today.  Build the best life possible.  Have fun.  Love fully.  Because,

“Plan B” may need to kick in at an exit on I-70 with little notice.  Or, a cancer diagnosis may show up.  An accident.  An unexpected loss of capacity.  No driving for 6 months.

I’m still living a bit in Plan B.  The loved ones around me keep an eye out.  I don’t swim alone.  I don’t ski the trees quite as aggressively.  I hydrate with abandon and pay close attention to emotional stress and any sort of infection.  I’m careful to ensure whoever I’m with knows the possibility and what to do (put a pill I always carry under my tongue.)

While my one-year sabbatical was already in the works before all this happened, my “Around the World Friend Tour” was partially inspired by my desire to live Plan A.

I haven’t broadly shared this.  Part of me has felt afraid.  Haven’t wanted to show fragility. My “Inner Hero” needed to stay solid and out front for all to see.  The shift comes now from my commitment to living authentically, and my willingness to risk that I might be judged “less than.”  I’m willing to take the risk of exposing one of my many imperfections.  

On the whole, my world is pretty darn good and I hope to live Plan A fully, while always keeping Plan B in mind.

Thoughts?

Onward!

How Can I Make it Right?

"So team, how do we support one another when one of us stumbles or falls?"

Great question! Unless, you are the CEO and you are the one who has stumbled.

Ouch.

The CEO-employee relationship has unequal power because the CEO ultimately signs the paycheck of everyone in the room. And, this creates a parent-child dynamic. And, the ice gets very thin when parents ask their kids for support. Why is that?

A child cannot be asked to provide for the emotional needs of the parent. At some level, this defines abuse, or at the very least co-dependency.

A child will always want to please the parent, even when it goes against their nature or their desire or "what is right". So, in this way we risk asking the child to step away from authenticity and into a masked character or persona. Again, not the target we're aiming for as parents... or as CEO's.

Children need to know that parents have the maturity to self-generate their own support and affirmation. They also need to know we're human. And, that we take 100% responsibility for our emotions and our actions.

So when a parent stumbles... or a CEO... the appropriate response in my belief is to clear the issue while taking 100% responsibility for it. "I did this. I see my mistake. And, I feel bad. I also see how it affects you. How can I make it right with you?"

When we first hear the question... "how can I make it right?"... we assume that whoever we are asking it of will come back with horrendous, over-the-top, or impossible demands. Not my experience. The question, when asked in a curious and "want-to-be-in-relationship" kind of way more often brings humility, mercy, understanding and connection. Wow. And... that is what I want with my kids... and my employees.

Onward!

V

(More? "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, PhD)

Who Wants Ice Cream!?!

I love ice cream.  It's simple.  I love it.  I love the memories it evokes and I love the taste, and the coolness.  There is nothing about ice cream that I do not love. 

Except that I sometimes love it too much.  You see, when I get going on ice cream, there is no stopping me.  If a pint is enough a quart is better.  And let's do it again tomorrow night.

So, when I get the urge for some ice cream, a whole chorus kicks into gear in my head.

• "Your gut isn't as slim as it used to be."
• "Just eat some.  You deserve it!"
• "There is a McDonalds 1.2 miles away.  You can make the stop in less than five minutes.  Just make the decision and get it done!"
• "Those Hot Fudge Sundae's are tiny.  Go for it!"
• "What is it you are really wanting right now, Vince?"
• "Let's invite someone else to go with us and make it a social event!"
• "You know what happens when you have "just one".  It's a week long binge!  Careful now!"

So, I kind of get this stuff.

There is a part of me that protects me from myself.  Protects me from harm, hurt, vulnerability.
There is a part of me that says "go for it" and "let's connect" with some others along the way.
There is a part of me that wants to step back and assess what it is I really want and make a mature decision.
And, there is a part of me ready to kick into action and get it done.

Which means that it really isn't about the ice cream.  It's about living in a place of ease and flow, managing the competition between the head and the heart, finding my soul.  It's about getting clear on what I want and then acting from a place of maturity.  It's about honoring desires while also managing risk.

Uh oh.  Just spilled some ice cream on the keyboard.

Onward!

V