What are we Learning?

"So, what are we learning?" I asked the Neurologist.

He gives me a puzzled expression. "No one has ever asked me the question quite like that. Good question though."

"I like good questions."

"Well, we've ruled out diabetes, cancer, back injury, HIV/AIDS, and Vitamin B-12 deficiency as the cause of your neuropathy."

"Okay."

"But the MRI turned up a tumor in your brain where the neck and head come together. It's benign. And, it's causing you to lose feeling in your arms and legs."

"Okay. What about Multiple Sclerosis?"

"Nope. You're clear. No lesions."

Relief. Joy.

There is something about moving something from the unknown to the known that brings comfort. I don't care how bad something is, just tell me what it is and I can play the hand out. Deal with it. Develop the critical task list that needs to get done. I can deal with a brain tumor. Especially a benign one.

I don't know yet what the path will be from here. But, we'll learn as we go. And, I am grateful and appreciative for the concern and care expressed toward me these last few months.

My takeaway? Every step we take is an opportunity to ask... "What are we learning?" and an opportunity to give thanks for what we have.

Onward!

V

Is it worth the risk?

"If you had gone by our house last Saturday you would have seen people playing dominoes and talking in the driveway and heard kids playing kickball and volleyball in the backyard. It might have looked like a pretty fun time! Well, it was, thankfully, but it was also much more than that. Something happens when people come together and start getting to know each other, something bigger than anyone can quite put their finger on. It's that feeling you get when you're surrounded by people you love and all of a sudden the beauty of it hits you. It's warmth, it's love, it's fellowship, and it's also exactly what the world need right now. The more I learn about all kinds of social ills, the more I am convinced that many of them could be significantly ameliorated if we all took the time to get to know each other. Imagine a world where nobody falls through the cracks because everybody is known: nobody ends up on the streets, no child drops out of school, no elderly person is left lonely or abandoned, no single mother has to raise her children on her own, and no one misses out on the joys of friendship. To know, to care, to love, and to be known, to be cared for, and to be loved. This is true community. So while it might have just looked like a bunch of people having a good time on a Saturday afternoon, it was also a neighborhood coming together and taking that first step toward building community. Beautiful."

So, is it worth the risk to reach out to another, to get to know someone who might be different, to risk involvement?

I pulled this from my daughter Janelle's monthly newsletter on her year-long internship in an inner city neighborhood of Houston. I think she has found her answer to the question... YES! And, she closes the newsletter with...

"In the meantime: There will never be a moment when absolutely everything is perfect, and most things will take quite awhile to be anything good. So, in the meantime, I'd like to keep being grateful and trying to love the people around me. It may just be that the "meantime" is really all that matters and all we have."

Onward!

V

(Check out http://www.missionyear.org/)

What's next?

My good friend Kaley once said her aspiration was to "live in a place I love, with a man I love, and do work that I love..." and how she had achieved all three. Pretty cool.

Today I was in the High Sierras... Mammoth Mountain to be exact... a place I love. I was with three friends who challenge and inspire me... people I love. And, we were skiing hard... doing something I love. What could be a better way to usher in 52?

This past year has included a fair amount of transition... home, relationships, graduations and marriages, evolving work. This next year is shaping up to be about grounding and perhaps scratching my "build something" itch. I've done buildings, and organizations, and people... even an ice rink... "I wonder what's next?"

Onward!

V

Which Way?

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
"I don’t much care where--" said Alice.
"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat.
"--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

Tough decisions are tough. Which way should I go? Should I change jobs? Should I end this relationship? And, while it might be easy to say... "Figure out where you want to get to" first... it sometimes seems like answering that question is just as hard. Like Alice, we often don't know exactly where it is we want to get to. What to do?

How about doing nothing? Put it in the pot and let it simmer for a bit. But unless you like mushed carrots, you can't leave the carrots in the pot too long. So, here's a path:

First, assess the data. What are the facts? And by facts, I mean facts... not the stories you make up about the facts. Hard data. Times, dates, places... all the stuff a video camera could have recorded.

Next, get honest with yourself about the stories you are making up. What are the competing voices in your head saying? Admit it, we all have them, so cozy up and have a beer or cup of tea with each of the competitors. What do those inner voices want? How are they trying to protect you? How have they perhaps propelled you in the past but possibly sabotage you in the present? In any event... own your assessments, your judgments, beliefs, stories, predictions of the future, all of it.

And then... stop. And, feel. How are you feeling? Where are you feeling it in your body? Is that excitement? Fear? Sadness? Anger? Whatever you are feeling, just feel it.

My sense is that unless we are able to separate the facts, fiction and feelings the soup will remain in the pot on the stove. Whatever "wants" we might think we want will be clouded with un-owned stories and un-expressed emotions. So, we must do the hard work.

And then... go play! Really? Yes, play. When you want to connect with your deepest desires of who you are and what you want in life, go play. Do something creative. Something that is uniquely you. Enjoy yourself. Get dirty. Enjoy being you. You'll be amazed with what happens. And, if nothing happens, at least you will have had some fun. :)

Too often, we ask "what should I do?" when the better question is "what do I want?" When I am clear on my "want", the "do" part comes easily. Try it.

Be well,
V

Letting Go of My Need To Be Right

"Facebook is no substitute for real relationship!"

"Bah! It's how I stay connected!"

"Fine. Then, let's never do another offsite. In fact, let's just run the whole company on Facebook."

"Okay! Fine by Me!"

"Na Na Na!"

"Na Na Na Na!"

Hmm.

So, I'm with an executive team that is made up of 30-, 40-, and 50-somethings. Some grew up with rotary telephones. Some have never used a phone that had a wire connected to it. The company is hip, relevant, and attractive to a target market under 40.

While discussing critical success factors, I asked, "Can you let go of your need to be right?" and got more than a few blank stares.

Some got it... they smiled and said... "you're inviting us to become curious, aren't you?" Others couldn't let go of their position.

It seems to me that success will be found in our ability to let go of our need to be right in favor of our desire to connect. Being right has little value if the end result is alienation, isolation, and disconnection. If our desire is to meet people (clients, co-workers, friends, lovers) where they are at, it matters not whether we are right, but only that we are willing to let go of our well-staked position and become curious about the possibilities.

What do you think?

How Does it Serve You?

"I get that you want that. But, how does it serve you to stay right where you're at?"

"It doesn't serve me! I hate it!"

"Hmm. Well... if it didn't serve you somehow... perhaps in a way that protects you from something bigger or darker... than you would have likely gotten what you wanted a long time ago."

"Go on."

"It's your turn. How does it serve you to not change?"

"I don't have to fail. If I never really commit, than I never really fail."

"So, it sounds like you have your life set up so you don't get what you want because you don't take the risk of failing?"

"I guess so. And, the next question you're going to ask is, "Am I willing to take the risk? and the answer is Yes. I want this. And I am willing to take the risk of failure... because to do nothing, or to stay in this spin cycle, is not working."

"Cool."

Who Has My Back?

Me: "Back! You're killing me. It's my first day on the slopes this year... give me a break!"
Back: "Well, it's about time you noticed. You've been trying to ignore me the last couple hours."
Me: "Okay. You've got my attention. What's going on?"
Back: "Well, you're carrying some extra baggage."
Me: "No! I'm within 4 pounds of my ideal fighting weight!"
Back: "Not that kind of baggage. Look over your shoulder. You're carrying Jim, and your dad, and Dave, Keith, Tony, Kaley, Chris, Glen, Ted, Brad... all your enouragers, critics, butt-kickers and all their expectations and desires for you. They're adding a lot of weight to our skiing today. You're worried more about what they would think about your skiing than enjoying the day of skiing!"
Me: "Whoa."
Back: "Yeah, whoa. What do you want to do?"
Me: "Well, first of all I want to thank you. Not for being such a pain, but for raising the flag on what's going on. And, I want to take a breath here and send some love your way."
Back: "Ah. I'm relaxing a bit now."
Me: "And, I'm going to relax a bit too. It's just a day on the slopes. And, it's beautiful. There is no need to manage the story for anyone else. I may take a break. I don't really need to ski 25,000 vertical feet today. It's my first day on the slopes. Perhaps we could be a bit more gentle with each other."
Back: "Perfect."
Me: "Thanks."