If I lost ten pounds...

One of my favorite questions is... "What is it you complain about changing but never do?" It's a good question because it launches a series of other good questions that sometimes result in change!

The most common response is "I complain about my weight and say I want to lose ten pounds" or something like that... especially around the holidays. What is it about weight loss that is so difficult that it has created a multi-billion dollar industry?

So, at this time of year, many of us willingly jump into the grasp of the multi-billion dollar weight loss or health and fitness industry. We generally make new commitments to eat less and exercise more.

Before we do that though, perhaps it would be good to get to the root of what we make our weight mean. It's surprising what I hear on that one...

"Losing that weight would mean that I could set a goal and achieve it... which would challenge a belief I have about myself that says I'm no good at setting and achieving goals... which of course is ridiculous because I set and achieve goals all the time at work... but I learned that I'm not a good goal setter a long time ago when my grandmother told me so and that I really shouldn't worry too much about planning for the future and should just be happy in the moment... so in a way if I set a personal goal and achieve it I would be saying that my grandmother was wrong, which is hard because I really loved my grandmother... so... if I lose this weight it would be showing disrespect to my grandmother and I won't do that."

Yikes. I wonder what Grandma would have to say about all that? Or to bring it closer to home, What do you make your weight mean?

This journey is not always easy. Sometimes it invites us to face things we have been struggling with for years. And, perhaps, it is worth it.

Onward!

V

If you knew you couldn't fail...

One of my favorite questions with a new group is... "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?" It's open-ended and brings up all kinds of responses...

"I'd get a PhD."

"I'd cure world hunger."

"I'd make sure everyone has the chance to travel internationally."

Really? No, it's not world hunger... but it might be a remarkable bit of peace making. Years ago, a good friend told me... "you can't hate someone you know"... and it stuck. My sense is that when we get out of our own comfortable and cozy place and people-group we see things differently. It takes some doing these days to get off the beaten track and interact with people that are... well... different. And, one of the things I've learned over the years is that we aren't all that different.

Tomorrow is a long travel day to Warsaw, Poland. I've just finished "The Zookeeper's Wife" and am in the middle of "Skeletons at the Feast" to get my head oriented. The Polish story has had some rough spots. I'm looking forward to seeing how the country has re-invented itself, to meeting up with some people from different backgrounds, to reflecting on the past and how it is informing the present and future.

It may mean foregoing a new toy or fancier car to make travel happen, but I think it's a worthwhile endeavor. The planes fly back and forth every day.

Onward!

V

Who Might Help You?

"It's really tough in the job market right now. Hard to connect."

"So, tell me how you have been trying to connect."

"Mostly on craigslist. Job boards. Electronic applications. That sort of thing."

"Who have you spoken to?"

"Well, it's hard to talk to anyone. No one who is hiring wants to talk."

"Hmm. I can see how you might create that story. It kind of supports your theory."

"Ouch."

"So, who have you spoken to? Who might help you?"

"I don't know."

"Well, when you don't know something, what do you do?"

"Find out."

"How?"

"By talking with someone."

"We're in a loop, aren't we?"

"Okay. Let me think. I know a lot of people. Let me think about who might want to help me."

"Great. What about the people your friends know? You know... it's not the people you know, but the people who know the people you know."

"Run that again?"

"We all know people. And, they like to help us because we're friends. But, it's the friends of our friends that really multiply the strength of our social network. Because, by helping us, they also are helping a friend. It's like a two-for-one deal. Very powerful."

"So, I could think about the people my friends know."

"Right. And, perhaps expand your definition of friend. Who were all the old people at your wedding? Do they care about you? Who do they know?"

"Wow. That kind of opens up the field."

"It sounds like you can connect with a lot of people. And the people you know care about you. And, they know a lot of people who might help you connect in the job market. So, what's your next step?"

And, on it goes.

(For more on the idea of the power of friends and "weak ties", check out Ethan Watters' "Urban Tribes")

How Should We Then Live?

Over the last couple weeks I’ve had too many friends of friends my age drop dead… a couple with no notice and a couple after lengthy illnesses. Then there is Steve Jobs. It all stirs the pot and raises the question for me…

“How should we then live?”

Life is precious. It is fleeting. It’s not a dress rehearsal. And, it’s easy to say… “live in the moment” or make statements like “stop to smell the flowers”… but it’s harder to define a specific strategy for how to live or define a target to shoot for. Perhaps the question is more about laying down a set of rails, principles, or guidelines, by which we navigate the onslaught of day to day decisions. Similar to “values” but with a little more teeth, or specificity, to help us make the decision of going left, or right, or more likely the ever so slight left or momentary veer to the right. My sense is our lives are lived in the bob and weave of the here and now. Achievement of some sort of change or progress then is only noticed when we stop and take a look back on the trail to see how we have in fact changed, or grown. All of which benefits from the time of reflection on the “how.” And, it seems like “how” I lived as a young dad or career professional morphs as I age and the chapter pages turn and the beliefs I held dear are questioned.

Nice reflections after a day at Thoreau's Walden Pond near Concord in Massachussets.

Onward!

V

(And, for more on the idea... consider reading Dr. Francis Schaeffer's "How Should We Then Live?" 50th Anniverary edition. 2005. Crossway Publishing, Wheaton, Illinois.

I'm Not Mad!

When someone tells me what they are "not"... there is a very good chance that it is, in fact, exactly what they are. This almost always comes up in conversations around anger.

What is it about our polite society that says "anger is bad?" I'll concede that hitting someone over the head with a baseball bat while in a state of rage is bad. But, all anger? Not in my world.

When I feel angry and I say that I am not angry, I am lying to myself. I am disconnecting from my truth and beginning to create a made-up fantasy story of life as I want it to be. What a waste of energy! When I am mad... it's okay to FEEL MAD!

And the irritating thing to me is this. When someone tells me they are not mad... and they are... I get mad!!! Damn you!!!

"I'm not mad. I'm just frustrated." Ha! What's the difference between frustration and anger? NOTHING! Any number of words we use all fall into the primary emotion bucket labeled "Anger"... frustrated, irritated, dissappointed, pissed, crossed, de-valued, violated... all point to anger. So kids... when we're angry, express it as anger. "I feel angry!"

AND... keep the baseball bats in the closet. Protect yourself and your loved ones from leaking anger. Go hit a tree. Talk it out with a trusted friend. Go to the batting cages. Try and push that brick wall three feet south. Anything to release some energy so that we can talk about the anger, as opposed to being driven by it.

Okay?

"Action Plan" or "Plan Action"?

It's an interesting play on words, isn't it?

Do I act... and then plan? Or, do I plan and then act?

The truth be told, I sometimes act first and then figure out how to back a plan in to wherever it is that I now find myself. Some people call this... "shoot the arrow and then run real quick and move the target so that the arrow hits the bullseye."

I've been with a group for a while now... highly successful, proud history, solid growth trend... and a little stuck in the success of their own success. They do a lot of good things... but there is a sense that they could be more than what they are.

As we navigate through the process of "un-stucking" a whole host of good ideas have come forward of things we could do... actions. And, in the absence of plan... a defined set of targets and goals... all those good ideas may in fact be good... and they might also get us to the top of the wrong mountain.

My desire is that Plans Drive Actions. Every step we take then is a conscious choice made with the knowledge of who we want to be and where we want to go.

What do you think?

Onward!

V

What's Next (Part Deux)?

On my birthday in March I wrote about "What's next?" Ha! Sometimes life happens while we're making other plans.

A month earlier in February, (as I've also written), I was up on the Colorado Continental Divide snow shoeing in -17 degree weather. That's cold. And, my toes have never regained full feeling. And then it spread to my feet. And up my legs. Eventually I had no sense of skin touch on my legs and arms. A fly can walk all over and I don't feel a thing.

My regular doctor was worried about all kinds of dire diseases and sent me off to a Neurologist who poked and prodded (literally, with an electric cattle prod) and took blood and pictures to find something wrong. And the MRI showed a benign tumor in my head, putting pressure on the carotid artery. I wrote about all that a few months ago.

Off to the Neuro Surgeon. More tests. More pictures. And, I learned today... no surgery. The body is wonderfully redundant and the other carotid artery is performing quite nicely. Plenty of blood to the brain.

So, the flies can still land (it's kind of a good thing out in the desert) and I don't feel them. My legs buzz all the time. And, I don't have any of the dire diseases that might cause it. The L5 vertebrae may be a little compressed and there may be some holdover from the T12/L1 compression fracture from a few years ago... and well... I'm 52.

What's next? An appreciation for what I don't have... and an appreciation for what I do. Life. Great relationships. A nice home. And? More laps in the pool and more yoga. Vitamin B12. Maybe some more accupuncture.

I've also taken on a new volunteer commitment to coach the leaders of the YMCA of Armenia through a strategic planning process. I'll be heading there on Sunday. And on the way back I'll be having dinner with two good friends from Belfast who are in London for the weekend. Perhaps the three of us will straighten things out while we're there.

So, What's Next?