Coopetition?

Is it possible to be in an authentic relationship with a competitor? What are the risks? What are the rewards?

There are examples aplenty of trade groups and professional associations where folks that compete in the marketplace band together for the benefit of all... but these do not have authenticity as the target. My experience in these groups is a high degree of protection over our dirty laundry.

So, I'm listening to a friend talk about his group of CEO's that are all in the same business, they are similarly sized, and they have some level of "geographic boundary" but are still competing for the same customer. And, they've formed a group with the stated desire of "coopetition"... that is, to compete cooperatively. They have agreed upon norms around expected behaviors. Confidentiality is key. Not raiding each others' employees is part of their agreement. They are openly sharing business and life issues and there is a synergy occuring between their various strengths and skills. It seems to be working for the benefit of all in that there is tremendous growth occuring in their respective businesses.

It made me curious. Am I just living in an old paradigm by thinking this is unusual? What do you think? How does this kind of competitive-cooperative thinking show up in your world?

Be well,

V

What's the Good Thing That Might Happen?

When I notice fear or resistance toward doing something or facing a difficult situation it is easy to go to the question... "What's the bad thing that might happen?" to get to the root of the fear.

The follow up question that I often forget to ask though is... "What's the good thing that might happen?"

It's the classic tension between fear and love... fear of the bad thing against the possibility of experiencing the joyful love in the good thing. We set our lives up to avoid the bad but then never get the good.

The fun part comes when we are willing to take the risk of the bad thing happening in order to pursue the good thing... and notice that the fear of the bad thing was all in our head anyway.

Go figure.

What do you Want?

"I want to be more fit!"
"I want to eat less!"
"I want more time for fun!"

Getting clear on what I want is a big step toward getting it. But, figuring out what I want is sometimes not all that easy. Because if I knew what I wanted I probably would have already gotten it.

Wants describe a desired future. But often our wants are rooted in the past... and keep us anchored to the past. Let me explain...

When I state a want as a "more" or "less" I am anchoring myself to the past because the starting point being described is now. And by tomorrow, now is yesterday. Better to describe my want as a statement anchored to the point in the future where I have achieved it:

"My want is to be fit to pursue the activities I enjoy."
"My want is to eat well."

Sometimes a want can be stated as if it has already been accomplished, as in:

"I do something I enjoy every day."

These kinds of positively stated wants give direction to my life and provide a simple tool for evaluating every action. "My want is to eat well. How does the triple fudge brownie cake with ice cream on top align with that want?"

What do you want?

Unpacking Boxes

My back hurts. At this point in life, I would not have expected the script to read “moving into a leased condo…” At once I am frustrated that the place I was buying fell out of escrow after 6 months at the seller’s initiative… and sad that my “place” in life is not more settled. The script was supposed to read… “work your career, pay off your home, ride off into the sunset…” But sometimes the script doesn’t turn as I expect. My sense of place is all haywire. In the work I do, home is defined by the location of my toothbrush and IPod. My relationships are scattered across the globe. There is very little “grounding” my life.

So, what am I holding on to?

Well first I am holding onto a story of what life was supposed to be. I’ve always aimed at doing what I was supposed to do. Hmm. Maybe that’s an issue. Perhaps, we are meant to follow our desire, our bigger wants, our vision, our unique gifts… and not so much follow the path of “supposed to.” So, in a sense, this time might be about letting go of “supposed to” and embracing the more mature “want to.” Hmm.

Another is a story that “place” is grounding. Everyone tells me I need a base camp, a home, a man cave in order to be grounded and at peace. I’m beginning to think that maybe that’s their story and perhaps not mine. Maybe there is another story.

In any event, I’ve moved to a new town (10 miles from where I’ve lived for 25 years…not a big jump). Nice ocean view. 10-minute walk to a new coffee spot. Big garage. And, as my friend Michael McGinnis wrote… It’s All Good.

So, what story are you holding on to?

Onward!

Thanks

I’ve had the good fortune of travelling around much of the world and, like Dorothy, always conclude that there is “no place like home.” Southern California and the 16,000,000 other folks all huddled on the edge of the mighty blue pacific is home. I love it here.

One of my favorite things is to meet up with a friend at the beach for a walk, run, paddle, or surf. I love the ocean. I love the rhythm, the ebb and flow, the depth, the mystery.

Sometimes when I’m at the beach though I find myself focusing on the big bazillion dollar McMansions stacked next to each other on the bluffs and the fancy cars lined up at the Ritz Carlton valet and the exclusive beach club and all the things that money buys and I notice that my mind has wandered to all that I don’t have. And then, when I become conscious of it, I’ll shift my focus onto what I do have… the beauty of creation, a good friend to walk, run, paddle, or surf with, the good fortune to live in a country where I can think and speak and pray and go about life as I choose to… and I move to a place of appreciation and gratitude and thanks.

What about you?

What's the Risk?

"I've never been much of a leader. I'm more of a follower," he said.

"Huh. What might happen if you stepped into leading here?"

"I'd make a mistake. I'd waste time. I'd lose money."

"Huh. What else might happen... what might you get?"

"Some freedom. Doing what I want to do... something I'm passionate about."

"Huh. So, it sounds like you've set your life up so that by not taking the risk of a mistake or wasting time you don't ever lead and get what you really want... freedom and passion."

"Hmm."

"How's that working for you?"

"It's not."

"So, are you willing to take the risk of leading, of making a mistake or wasting time or losing money to get what you really want?"

"Well, yeah. I think so."

"I'll take that as a no. You'll know it's a yes when it comes clearly as "YES" from your gut and your heart. Anything else is a no."

"Thanks. Yes. I'm willing to take the risk."

"Great. What would support for you look like?"

And, on it goes...

Happy All The Time

I own my judgment around those who pursue happiness… to me it seems hedonistic, narcissistic, and addictive… take a happy pill, get an adrenaline rush, live like it’s forever Saturday night and life is a party. So, when a friend suggested I read a book titled, “What Happy People Know”* I scoffed. He laughed. And then I read it.

My cynical critic was online as I cracked the first chapters. The author talked about evolution like it was scientific fact and made all kinds of unsupported assertions about the human condition... it was easy to put the book into the category of “feel good fluff.” I kept reading.

And then he began to explore the biological and biochemical realities of our brain structure and system, quoting legitimate research on emotional responses and brain chemistry. I was hooked.

Two quotes resonated:

“Contemporary fear almost always fits into one of two categories: fear of not having enough and fear of not being enough. Having enough and being enough are the two factors that best ensure survival in the modern world, so fears about them are rooted to the core of the neurological fear system. They’re as deep as the fear of death...”

“…The antidote for fear is love… And the purest form of love is appreciation.”

So, he had me. He scientifically described a condition that I have long suspected… that fear and love cannot occur simultaneously. And that the surest way to move from fear is to appreciate. And when we appreciate, we are tapping into the joy of who we are and who we were created to be. And that makes me happy.


*Dan Baker, PhD, “What Happy People Know” New York: St. Martins Press. 2003