Virtual Or Live?

When the Pandemic first hit, most of us made an instantaneous pivot to 100% virtual communication.  We learned how to Zoom, Hangout, Meet in Teams, Circle, and likely live on a half dozen other video-based platforms.  We know "Zoom Fatigue" and we've experienced both really cool moments and likely some dreary ones as well.

So, how then shall we now live?  Here's my going-forward thought:  What if we only do live that which we can't do virtually?  What this means to me:

1.  We maximize our effectiveness in virtual and asynchronous communication.  We develop mastery in remote work. 

2. We learn how to have difficult conversations virtually, and we let go of fears around not being able to connect authentically.

3.  We accept the tremendous gift of time that virtual work has afforded us by reducing all kinds of travel.

AND IMPORTANTLY,

4. We master and maximize our live gatherings to focus on HOW we're working together.  We use the time to build relationships, sit around the fire, share a meal,  connect as people first.

I know I have a significant bias here.  I've been pulling people together for meaningful group experiences for a long time and always fight for the relational side of things while my groups typically want to simply focus on the content of their work.  It's okay!  What many are learning is that much of our content work can be done virtually, but you just can't replace the fireside chat on a Zoom screen.

Let's not make it an "either/or" but a "both/and" with the positive intent of maximizing our experience whether it is in virtual space or live.  

What do you think?

Onward!

V

Is it Fair?

A million years ago I was invited to join the Rotary Club of Chino, California.  After a couple years I moved to a new town, joined the Club there, served as Club President for a year followed by many years as Club Treasurer.  Rotary was an important part of my early career life and I stayed involved enough to be recognized as “Senior Active” when I was only 42.

 The “Four Way Test” was a key guiding principle in Rotary for all the things we do, think, or say.  “Is it the truth?”  “Is it fair?”  "Will it build goodwill and better friendships?”  And finally, “Will it be beneficial to all concerned?”  These all sounded like good questions to ask. 

And then, my two good friends Nate and Kaley Klemp wrote a book, “The 80/80 Marriage” and it challenged my beliefs around the Four Way Test.  When I take a step back and think about it, “Is it Fair?” may not be the best question if the desire is a healthy relationship.  An aspiration of fairness implies a score, a ledger, an accounting.  How do we really do that in relationships?  Does planning and preparing a great meal equate to fairness if the other partner took out the trash, made the bedroom look great, and took care of the bills for the month?  Who knows?  And really, who cares?!

A Big Idea from Kaley and Nate’s book is the idea of radical generosity.  What if instead of fairness, or some sort of 50/50 equation, both people in a relationship aspire to pour in 80%?  How do things change?  To me, it starts with a change in mindset.  It means letting go of fairness as the target and replaces that with a desire to contribute.  I want to contribute to the success of this relationship!  So, “Is it Fair?” can then be replaced with, “What would generosity look like here?” 

What do you think?

Onward!

V

Optimism. Is it good?

I’ve been accused of being an eternal optimist and it occurs to me that I don’t really know what that means!

Is optimism synonymous with a “rose colored glasses” view of the world?  A Pollyanna perspective? The unrealistic or impossible?

Technically, optimism is defined as a “hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something.”  There is also a broader definition set forth by the 18^th Century philosopher Gottfried Leibniz that “this world is the best of all possible worlds” and the belief that good must ultimately prevail over evil in the universe.

So, I’ll go with it.  I’m a proud optimist.  Accuse me all day long.  I will find hope in almost any circumstance and I do believe that love wins.

And, I believe that optimism can be learned if we are open to it.  We can choose a victim story of failure and loss, or we can choose a story of openness to learning, self-responsibility, and growth.  I choose the latter.  Are you with me?

Yesterday I was skiing in what I will call “butt cold” conditions.  In fact, my butt was cold!  It was not only snowing but the humidity was higher than normal Colorado conditions and the cold seeped in at every opportunity.  In another time of my life, I would have beat myself up with an old tape, “you suck at being adequately prepared in the outdoors.”  I hadn’t eaten anything in the morning.  The gloves I was wearing were more suited to a sunny spring day than a bitter cold one.  I had tried a different set of leg layers and they didn’t work well.  I could have rolled an old tape of criticism.  Instead, I noticed myself taking a more optimistic view!  “You can keep some hand warmers in your kit bag.”  “You know how to provide fuel for your body.  What can we learn from today?”  “Maybe compression tights aren’t the best base layer on cold days,” and on and on.

When we shift from failure as a total loss to failure or difficulty as a temporary and specific condition, it opens the field up to learn, take responsibility, and make specific changes in our behaviors going forward.  It worked for me yesterday.  And today, I’m staying in by the fire.

More?  Check out this article on Learned Optimism.

Onward!

V

The Much Bigger Story

I just LOVE history professor Heather Cox Richardson’s daily “Letters from an American.” Today’s reflection on the Civil War roots of the US Thanksgiving Holiday inspired me. 

Heather reminds us that today is ALWAYS lived in the context of a much bigger story.  We didn't get here in a day.  And, so far, we've lived through every single day, good or tough, and we're still here to tell about it.  Sometimes, I like to reflect on the question, "Is there a bigger story here?" and see if there is a nugget of wisdom I might give myself from a learning or moment in a past experience.  I do believe that it is in reflecting on and anchoring our learnings that we will break the adage of "history repeating itself."

We are a resilient and scrappy bunch, and I’m hopeful each of us will emerge from this season a bit kinder, more generous, and full of a love that spreads beyond any border we might create. 

Onward, one and all!

V

What is “Help”?

I don’t really know who suggested I read Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged” when I was a teenager.  It might have been my Dad.  I do remember conversations with him about the book.  My sister Kitty was also a fan.

One of my key takeaways from Rand’s writing was the idea of “self-care” being branded as “selfish”.  That somehow, those who had pursued a creative vision and amassed a certain success owed something to those who had sat back, not pursued their best, or made excuses with all the reasons that they were hobbled or victimized and therefore unable to advance themselves.  The rejection of this notion is what led Galt and his compadres to Colorado to create a community of creatives who pulled back from allowing society to be vampires of their work, effort, and contribution.  It was an extreme story line with all kinds of gaps, frankly.  The underlying message though rings true for me today and contributes to my desire to take 100% responsibility for the circumstances of my life and my part in all relationships, as well as to enjoy a life of good self-care, and to pursue creativity and adventure. 

And, it leaves me with a question… “What responsibility do I choose to take for those in need?”

Pondering this has led me to think about the idea of help and “What is helpful?”  I realize now that I have stepped in to help many people and groups in my life.  And, many times, they had not asked me for help.  Or, they didn’t ask for the help that I perceived they needed.  A story from 2006 sticks with me.

I’m in a village about 25 miles from Tamale, Ghana, which was a three day drive from the capital City of Accra on the south-facing coast of Western Africa.  I had met up with a friend from Los Angeles who was visiting a Peace Corps volunteer and looking at possibly funding an eco-tourism project in the region.

We stayed in a small compound with three mud huts.  Electricity service was on about 50% of the time, however cell phone reception was perfect.  There was no running water, but each compound had a 55-gallon drum that was filled each morning from the village well by the youngest members of the household.  Life was simple, pleasant, clean.

One morning, I asked Rahim (the teenaged houseboy for the Peace Corps volunteer) if I could accompany him to the well.  While at first he was reluctant, I persisted, and he agreed to have me tag along to observe the daily ritual.

What I saw was beautiful.

The young people of the community each carried containers to the well and while there played a dance of roles and connection.  The youngest of the young manned the manual pumps.  The older ones flirted with one another.  Everyone contributed in the end, and disbanded after a time to carry their containers back to their respective families.

While we were walking back, I noticed a standard American-Style water spigot sticking out of the ground beside the road.  “Rahim,” I asked, “What is that about?”

“Oh, that’s been there for 20 or 30 years.  Someone from America put in a water line from Tamale.”

“Wow,” I said with a puzzled expression.  He could sense my confusion and went on to say, “Oh, it doesn’t work.  It hasn’t worked for years.  We really never needed it, so no one cared about fixing it.”

Later, I connected some of the dots of Rahim’s explanation with others in the village.  And, it shifted the story in my mind of what communities on the African continent are really about, what is really needed, and the Western story of “help” that I had been exposed to throughout my life.  I realized that my perception of “help” often comes from my perceived solution for someone else’s life.  And, when I step in to provide my version of help, I often rob the individual or group involved of the opportunity to take responsibility for their own circumstances.  And that is 180 degrees opposite the desire in my own life and the lives of others.  Yikes!

So, how then shall I live? 

My posture today is to pull back a bit from those who in my perception are not “all in” in their own lives.  By “all in”, I mean, taking responsibility for their lives and their current circumstances, pursuing their best, seeking and creating stability and peace, before stirring up chaos and confusion.  This posture may put me at odds with some of the systemic cultural issues of our time and the long-term victimization of certain groups.  It may also put me at odds with those who have accepted or become dependent on my “help”.

And, it’s a place to start.  “What are your thoughts on Help?”

Onward!

V

 

 

Finding Joy

A good friend shared an article the other day on the absent imagery of our US President and his family at ease and at play.  The article reflected back on Ronald Reagan on his horse or chopping wood, the Kennedy's frolicking on the sea shore, W at his ranch, his Dad out fishing with the grandkids, and other scenes.  This is important imagery for all of us.  It shows balance.  Humanity.  Connection.  Joy.

To me, it highlighted the importance of play.  Especially when life sucks.  And more so when we're leading the charge.  Play unlocks the joy of simply being alive.  Even when we have very little, or are oppressed, depressed, or stressed, play works wonders.  Play draws us to our center.

A walk to nowhere in particular.  A morning coffee basking in the rising sun.  A hike to a high spot with a view.  A downhill mountain bike ride.  A paintbrush and a blank canvas.  Getting a sweat on not because you need a sculpted body but because you simply love getting a sweat on! Creating movement or art.  Finding the "yahoo!"

The second part of play (and equally as important!) for me is to reflect on how I've played.  To remember it.  To hold an image of what it means to play.  To feel joy.  Because, according to the neuroscience folks, simply remembering a playful or joyful time lets your brain chemistry re-live it again!*  Even listening (or viewing, in the case of our previous Presidents) to someone else's story of play gives us the same neuro transmitter boost.  We 

all feel better.

I've written about play before.  So, consider this is a gentle reminder in the midst of a remarkable year.

Yesterday, along with two buddies, I wrapped up "The Seven Summit County Summits in One Summer Season."  Of the 54 or so 14,000 foot high peaks in Colorado, seven of them are in my county and I got on top of them all this year.  I love the views connecting the dots between the different mountain ranges.  The lung pain and light headedness on the ascent.  The sore feet and knees on the descent.  I love it all.  I'm stiff today and I love that too.  I feel alive.  And, that's how I find joy.  How about you?

Onward!

V

(*Cue up Simon Sinek's "Leaders Eat Last")

What is Enough?

In the midst of world turmoil, uncertainty, and chaos, what is enough?  Enough love and belonging? Enough creativity?  Enough money?  Enough friends?  Enough fun? Enough challenge, difficulty, or struggle?  What is enough?

I find the question difficult to answer.  I've lived in a "more" culture.  More is almost always better.  I think about conversations with friends though in others cultures and parts of the world and realize that "more" is kind of a US thing.  Hmm.

I'm sitting at my home in Colorado looking out on the Blue River.  It's beautiful as it makes the 37 mile run to the Colorado River and then westward to California.  When I got here in June it was running at 1,000 CFS (cubic feet per second).  Now it's running at about 200.  Is that enough?  Was it beautiful at 1,000?  Yes.  Is it beautiful at 200?  Yes.  Is it fulfilling its "responsibility" to supply water to the western states when running at 200?  Ah.  That's a different question!  

When I think of "enough" it brings up the difference between "needs" and "wants".  I need air, and the millions of people in the west (including me!) need water.  Beyond that, it seems like an awful lot of wants begin to surface.  I need "shelter" but is that a tent or a single family residence?  Perhaps I need a functional car to reasonably live, but do I need a new car?  Is my 26" wheel mountain bike "enough" or do I need to upgrade to the 29" technology?

During this pandemic, and like most everyone else, my circle of friends has shrunk considerably in terms of the people I've actually seen, shared meals, or played with.  At the same time, I've connected virtually in meaningful ways with a whole host of folks around the world like I've never done before.  What is enough connection?  

Perhaps there is a values question buried beneath the "enough" question.  "What is it I value in life?"  I value connection.  I value freedom.  I value integrity and self-responsibility.  Can I value those in my current "enough" place?

What is enough for you?